


Flush You Out

by Notyourtypicalmermaid



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Gen, Heartache, Light Angst, Love Poems, Pining, Poetry, Prose Poem, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22270309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notyourtypicalmermaid/pseuds/Notyourtypicalmermaid
Summary: A short poem I wrote about heartache.
Kudos: 2





	Flush You Out

####  Flush You Out 

I realize now, with great difficulty, that it is harder than I thought to flush you out of my system. 

I thought it would be easier, like writing a term paper at the last minute. If I put in the work, I could type you out of my thoughts and move on. 

I assumed you'd be like a wave washing upon a hidden island, not the main isla in my vision. 

But I realize, _sadly,_ that you aren't washing away and you're not hidden either. 

Out of sight, out of mind really doesn't apply here, does it? Is that proverb a lie? 

Only when it applies to you, I suppose. 

See, we haven't spoken in months and yet you linger in my mind like we spoke yesterday. Whispers of your love-drenched words bounce around in my head like a ping pong ball, zipping around me, distracting me throughout the day. 

I'd never say this out loud but I want to see you again. Be near you. Touch you. 

But I can't...not without breaking my own heart. And you already did a number on that, didn't you?

__

But if I did... forget that is..  
if I got near you again...  
I'd give you everything, wouldn't I? 

Yes, I know I would.

I'm ashamed of this revelation, it feels pathetic to want someone who doesn't want me anymore. 

And that _'not anymore'_ is what kills me.

You used to want me just as fiercely so why and when did that fire run out? 

Why are you so lucky to have the wind blow the ashes of our relationship away when my candle is still so lit? 

Oh, and it burns for you. _God,_ it burns. 

I hold this torch for you, for me, for us, despite its wax melting upon my fingers, charring my once beautiful, untainted skin.

It blazes so strong and bright with me doing _nothing_ to ignite it, I swear.

I swear I've tried to fight these feelings for you but _fucking_ damn it, I'm still in love with you like it was the first day we kissed. 

And I think about those times, over 10 years ago when we were young and innocent. How love and lust were so new and untarnished with chaste kisses and promises. 

I can't say that about myself now, as the years and the tears have worn me down, trying to make me bitter. 

But, I'm not bitter, right?

But I do wonder...could I love someone else so purely again? 

I have no idea.

What I do know is that I've spent over a year claiming that I've forgiven you so maybe I have. 

How can I stay mad at you? 

_Although_ ... you did break my heart into a thousand tiny pieces that I am _still_ searching for. 

I look everywhere for those pieces, hoping that you're already collecting some fragments, arms wide open, hugs full of apologies. But you never are. 

And why would you be? _You_ gave up on us. 

I'm so disappointed in you. Disappointed that you threw us away, threw me away and I've haven't been the same since. 

We were so close to fixing us but you gave up. 

Resigned. 

Retired.

You really are a quitter, through and through. 

But I still miss you. Want you. Want you to want me, too. 

Is that what true love is? Loving someone even when they have given up on you? Hoping they'll reopen the same door that they themselves closed and locked? 

If that's so, then true love is... awful. 

Painful.

Agonizing.

And what's funny is that I know you love me. In your own ambiguous way. Yet that vagueness is just not enough. Friendship, unfortunately, doesn't satisfy my hunger for you. So, I leave you be.

But can you blame me?

How can you see me as a friend now when we spent years planning a life together?

Dreams discussed and put in motion, now are obsolete and pointless. 

Our brains work differently, I understand that now despite not understanding you. 

I wish you understood me but why would you care?

You barely cared when you were supposed to. 

And someday this poem will just be a funny memory, bittersweet like all the memories we shared. 

I want those to wash away too before a new love arrives in my life. 

Until then...

Day by day, parts of you, us, are flushing out of my system. 

And I couldn't be more grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> It's not like me to write poetry anymore but this was bouncing around my head today and for the first time ever, I wanted to share something intimate that I wrote about my life.
> 
> It's very unlikely that the person I'm talking about with find this or even read it, but if they do, they know who they are and maybe, one day, we'll be friends again.


End file.
